The Pot & Kettle

(Album: Sleepin' Rough - 2016)

One smoky day in a darkened scullery
Doon by the river in a factory town
Where bad things happen and the walls are drippn'
And the ghosts are flitting frae the cold hard ground
A pot and kettle on the hob were settled
A' hissing their patter so bileous cruel
An awfy matter o' clout and clatering
Battling wits in a hideous duel

Lids a rattling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villaing
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cooking on the same old fire'
Guts a bubbling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hanging on the same old chains'

"I've roasted a wealth of exotic things
All torn to ribbons at the hands of kings
Polished copper how I proudly shone
Stealin the fire of the blazing sun"

"Ye've boilt nae mair'n 'em old soup bones
I've boilt the tea for them stately homes
I were rattled like a drum each Hogmanay
Then scrubbed tae the devil on the follwing day"

Lids a rattling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villaing
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cooking on the same old fire'
Guts a bubbling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hanging on the same old chains'

Lids a rattling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villaing
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cooking on the same old fire'
Guts a bubbling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hanging on the same old chains'

"O kettle yer metal is a terrible hue
Riddled wi' holes cannae hold yer brew
Yer lids all crooked and yer sides bashed in
It'll no be long afore ye see the bin"

"Pot your not so bright as me
A hags old cauldron is all you'd be
You reek o' gruel and you're none too young
Fit for to carry but the peels and dung"

Lids a rattling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villaing
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cooking on the same old fire'
Guts a bubbling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're an old piss bucket'
'And you're a dented can'
'But we're neither as black as that roasting pan.'

Lids a rattling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villaing
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cooking on the same old fire'
Guts a bubbling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hanging on the same old chains'

Lids a rattling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villaing
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cooking on the same old fire'
Guts a bubbling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hanging on the rusty chains'

Lids a rattling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villaing
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cooking on the same old fire'
Guts a bubbling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hanging on the same old chains'

Lids a rattling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villaing
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cooking on the same old fire'
Guts a bubbling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hanging on the same old chains'

Lids a rattling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a lowly villaing
'You're a terrible liar'
'But we're both here cooking on the same old fire'
Guts a bubbling belching steam
Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream
'You're a chanty pot'
'And you're a shite for brains'
'But we're both here hanging on the same old chains'