How To Stop Throwing Shade

Alarm clock, you had one job.
You're as useless as the G in lasagna.
No time to get ready today, this outfit is so ugly One Direction went the other way!
This microwave is frustrating.
You remind me of the guys that I dated!
You're loud and annoying, like my ex who complicated.
I always push your buttons, and you always keep me waiting.
You call this a burrito?
It's falling apart like my life.
Man, I can't eat you!
I'll regret every bite!
Man, I thought I left my parking spot, but this whole freeway is just a giant parking lot.
And you drivers got talent, cause this looks like one big mannequin challenge.
Off the next ramp, smooth sailing for me.
Hit a speed bump and dropped all my things.
Spilled a lot of tea like I got some magazine, now my thighs burning like I went to the gym.

"Ya know, maybe I'm thinking about life the wrong way."

Alarm didn't wake me up and now I'm running late.
But look out the window, it's such a sunny day!
Lilies love photosynthesis, feed me Mr. Sun!
And I have to admit, you're hot.
Oops, gotta run!
My room is very messy, can't find anything that goes.
But all this on the floor is looking super cool.
This outfit doesn't match, but have no fear.
You are one of a kind girl, the best kind of weird.
My burrito fell apart, big mess on my plate.
So, time for a spoon, you're too yummy to waste.
Ugh, period cramps, I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm such a fertile woman, ovaries so functional!
Oops, dropped my phone, made a crack in the screen.
Hey, it gives you character, now you're unique.
Just got a message from Miranda Sings.
A couple misspelled words, but you're still my queen.
And I'm stuck in traffic, and nobody really moving.
Except for me, to my favorite song, grooving.
Everyone is fed up and they're banging on their horns.
Music to my ears, the boop a doo boop a song.
That car came out of nowhere and cut into my lane.
I know you're probably late, here's a smile and a wave.
Don't need to hold a grudge, cause nothing was lost.
Good thing I'm a pro and I drive like a boss.
Off the next ramp, smooth sailing for me.
But slow down, I don't wanna spill all my tea.
Cute boy on the street just noticed me.
Man, I'm not toilet paper but I'll be up on that booty!
Pull up to my meeting, found a great parking spot!
Man, my timing is so perfect that I could be a watch.
Didn't wax my upper lip but no need to freak.
All that extra hair will help me turn into Manjeet.

"Hey cumulus clouds, I love the way you float up there like giant pieces of cotton candy.
You make me so hungry!
Hey mailbox, I appreciate that you provide an alternative method of communication
for grandparents everywhere that don't know how to use email.
Hey walk signal button, thanks for letting me press you over and over again
even though technically, I only need to press you once.
Bugs, I love the way you buzz.
Random rock, you rock!
Hey doormat, I love that I can walk all over you, and you still have self-esteem.
Hey door, I love how you take me from outside to inside, or inside to outside
or outside to outside, or inside to inside.
Hey shoelaces, no matter how many knots I tie, you still seem to come undone,
and I admire that persistence.
VOC Media Player, I love that you play everything, but you're still so loyal.
Hey door handle, I love the way you... door handle."

If we're always throwing shade, then we'll darken up our days.
If we wanna better time, then let's start throwing shine.
Throwing shine, throw-throwing shine.
If we wanna better time, then let's start throwing shine.